Fun Stuff!

We've been home a little over two months now and I realize all my blog posts have been "Oh woe is me, this is so hard, etc, etc." So, I figure I should make a post about the fun stuff we've been doing/learning to show it's not all doom and gloom in the Nault house!

Our guest room has officially become Tania's room, which wasn't what we intended, but I guess, what's the big deal right? I hung a decorative plaque in there with her name and birthday on it that says "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, do you know how loved you are?" It's pink and was a gift from our friends Steve and Nancy Moriarty from Indy. Cola has one too that's blue that I want to get up! Brian and I also hung light blocking curtains in both of their rooms, hers are bright pink and his are navy blue, which work perfectly color-wise with what they like, bedding, etc. I am still sleeping in there with her, which is okay. She's been doing GREAT lately with sleeping, consistently better all the time. For example, two nights ago I got up to check on Brian and Cola and left her and she woke up. She didn't scream for once, she just called out to me twice! It was great! Then, she and I went to Brian and Cola's room and she kissed Brian on the head and we went back to bed. It took her awhile to fall back asleep, but that's normal. I sang to her. We do that every night, singing, that is. It used to be "Twinkle Twinkle," now its "Hush Little Baby" with a line about a pizza pie in it, so she calls it "Pizza Pizza." It's funny. Cola's crib has been turned into his full sized bed and he and Brian are in there, so at least they're out of our bedroom! That's honestly really nice to be able to go in my bedroom after they're sleeping and put my PJ's on, brush my teeth, shower if I want, etc. Cola is still sleeping crappy, but such is life. It's gonna take awhile. He just can't express what's going on in his little head and it keeps him up, I think.

The kids love their new playroom (which used to be our formal living room). We've gated it off from our dining room, which is my sanctuary/office. I think its going to work well for a long time. We play with the ball hut (gift from the Fontanas!), play with blocks, do puzzles (which Tania appears to be getting good at), do tickling and horsey rides. It's just nice to get the toys out of our family room, so when Brian and I sit down to watch TV at night, we don't have to look at that crap!

I seriously wish the weather would get warmer consistently. It was SO NICE for those two days, we were outside half the day and they had a blast running around and playing on the neighbors playscape. They slept so well on those nights! We also have had a blast visiting friends and going to the mall and BounceU to play. I am going to start taking them to story time at the Library and Borders, but this morning just didn't feel right. We got a late start and it would have been rushed. Maybe next time on Friday.

So that's what up here after two months! We can't believe its been that long!

Sleepless in Michigan!

But hopefully not forever!

The title of this blog actually refers to the kids, not necessarily Brian and I. We're doing okay, because adults can survive on 6 or 7 hours of sleep. But kids at age 2 and 3 cannot survive on 9 or 10. It's simply too little. So, I sought some advice on this subject from an expert we've met at our support group meetings.

From what we've read, these issues we're having (having to lay with them, them unable to fall asleep for long periods of time, frequent waking, not sleeping long enough or consistently) are totally common for new adoptees. Sleep is the most frequent reason post adopting families seek help. She actually stated that given the trauma, upheaval and fright our children experienced for the first 2 and 3.5 years of their lives, it could be a lot worse. Right now, I am still sleeping with Tatiana and Brian deals with Nicholas. Cindy, the psychologist, stated that we have a good strategy right now and are doing all the right things. She endorsed our plan to turn Cola's crib into his full sized bed and for him and Brian to sleep in there, instead of our bed. I need to keep doing what I'm doing. Then, we can EVENTUALLY transition ourselves out. But, that can't happen and this situation won't improve until they feel really comfortable and totally trust us, which can honestly take up to a year, as Cindy informed me. That is a bit daunting, but we have to be in this for the long haul. And bedtime will continue to be a long process for us, so don't expect to see Brian or I out at night for ages. Bye bye social life!

Cindy reassured me that this WILL get better. Like I said, the LONG HAUL. We haven't even been home 2 months, I keep reminding myself! It feels like a lot longer, quite honestly. I am so happy that the weather is breaking and we can get them outside. After being outside, Cola has shown signs of wanting to lay down in the living room and maybe go to sleep on his own, but Tania bothers him!! It's so frustrating. Hopefully, when they're BOTH out running a ton consistently, she go down for some quiet time/nap so he can too and I can quit wasting gas in the darn car every day!

If any of you care to look, here's a really good website I found that lays these issues out really well and explains why this happens with adoptees.

www.adoptmed.org/topics/sleep-and-adoption.html

Thanks for the support all!

More than One Month Home!

So, I meant to do an update when we hit one month home, which was February 26, but things have been nutty. So, now it's more like, 5 and a half weeks home! Things are slowly adjusting, but it's still hard, honestly. But, it is getting better. I'm starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel, but it's very dim and far away!

The past week was challenging, as Brian had to travel for 3 nights for his first trip away. He had to go to Copenhagen, Denmark, of all places and it ended up being a total disaster here. The kids had their first round of shots the day he left (a DTAP, Hib, and Pneumococcal), plus a TB test. Tania had a very bad reaction and had a high fever. I was up all night with her, and Cola was up part of the night too, because she was crying so much. I felt so bad, there was nothing I could do. The Motrin didn't touch the fever for quite a while. She kept crying in Russian that she was hot, had boo boos, and hurt. It was awful. I had to call in reinforcements--my awesome aunt Margaret came down and stayed with me quite a bit to act as back up. It helped tremendously. Now, Brian is telling me he has to be gone one night this week again, and I am irritated. I thought he wasn't going to travel much for a long time! Lies. At least the kids' TB test came out negative, but that gives us another reason not to trust the immunization records we were given. You see, in Europe and other countries like Russia, there is a shot they give kids that is sort of like a TB vaccination. And if you've had this shot, your TB should come out positive because you'll have antibodies. We were told the kids had this shot. Well, clearly they haven't if their TB came out negative. So, we are starting the vaccines totally over from scratch, but with Tania, we'll have to take it slowly to avoid another night like Monday.

Sleeping is still our biggest issue here. They just give us a hard time going down, we have to be with them until they fall asleep, which can take a long time, and its not until 8:30-9pm. Then, they don't sleep very long, maybe 10 hours is the consistent average, which for kids their age is not enough. The only way to get them to nap is riding in the car, so I'm going to be spending the summer of high gas prices driving my kids around aimlessly and throwing money out the window. Tania is doing better with the sleeping--she's getting a lot more peaceful, hardly restless anymore, which is wonderful. Cola is bothered by something and we can't figure out what. He just wakes up quite a bit. Right now, she still sleeps with me in the guest room bed, and now Cola seems to want to sleep in our room with Brian. So, instead of ME in bed with my husband, there's a tiny little boy there. And we bought and were gifted all this nice, expensive furniture for them, and guess what? NOBODY'S SLEEPING IN IT.

So, that's what's going on here. Keep us in your thoughts as we continue to adjust to life with them, and they adjust to us!

Doctor's Appointment

On Tuesday, we made the long journey downtown to Children's Hospital at the DMC to have the kids fully evaluated medically. The appointment was at 9am and we had to leave this house at 7:20 to make it there on time. Which sucked, because we had to wake the kids up early, and they were having their best night of sleep yet. Also, on the way down, Tatiana completely upchucked all over herself in the car, so that was pleasant to deal with. Half digested yogurt and bananas, yuck. :(

We made it to Children's and got in with the doc about 9:20, I think. The front desk seriously didn't know how to run our private, excellent health insurance, because I'd be willing to bet all they deal with is freaking Medicaid (the Adoption Clinic is run out of one of the general pediatric clinics there, and the clientele seemed, let's say, ghetto fabulous).

The appointment lasted 2 hours. The doctor was very thorough, as she should be. She asked us every question under the sun, measured them a ton, and gave them full physicals. She was generally pleased with the state of their health, and with the things we've been doing with them. She also has twin sons adopted from Kazakhstan, so she totally understands what we're going through. Cola is in good shape overall, he's just tiny. He's not even on the growth chart. He is 2 now, and is the size of an average 12 month old here. Little lady Tania is good sized, but has issues like decayed teeth, a lazy eye, and something called funnel chest/pectalis, which means her chest, right in between where her breasts will be, is concave. This will most likely resolve itself, but it may not. They are most likely also developmentally delayed, and I have the school district working on coming out to evaluate them. They are certainly emotionally stunted. We're working on that.

Also, they had a ton of blood work ton. She took it like a rock star, but he screamed like a banshee. It was awful. It was 1:45 by the time we got out of Children's. We also have to do a urinalysis and a fecal test (3 times for the poop) to check for parasites. Fun for Heather and Brian. But these guys need to be checked for every little thing.

So, that's what happened with the doctor's appointment. Things are rolling. I honestly think taking them to medical appointments and getting out of this house may help our mood!

Thank You All...

For the tremendous support I got from my last blog update. To all of you who emailed me, or Facebooked me, sorry I haven't replied in person, but this blog entry is hard enough to get done. All of you that wrote sent lovely messages of support and offers to call you. Trust me, I may take some of you up on that at some point. Right now, I'm calling people who've specifically been through an adoption process, because they have the most insight into the specific things we're dealing with. I'm having a very bad day today, so writing this short blurb hopefully will help me stay sane.

The sleeping is not going much better, but at least the jet lag is over, I think. The white noise helps them go to sleep somewhat, but it only lasts 90 minutes on my iPod, so Brian ordered a white noise machine that we can play all night. I think that may help. They both are still waking repeatedly, which could go on for months. Basically, our poor babies have never had anyone comfort them in the night, and now that's all they want for a while until they realize that we'll always be there if they need us. Nicholas is SO hard to get to sleep, and the stroller is the only thing that works fairly consistently. So, we're going to go with that. We have to meet him where he is. At least Tatiana hasn't had any more night terrors, but she thrashes and wails in her sleep. I think she's having nightmares. Poor thing. We're trying to remember what these babies have been through in their lives, which, at 3 and a half and 2, is more than most of us will ever have to endure. But, its still difficult to deal with when we're less than our best.

Food is also a huge issue. If they see food, they will scream and wail for it, even if they ate 5 minutes ago. Food preparation around them is a difficult situation. I think they've been hungry quite a bit in their lives and now are just craving food until they explode. This is common and takes time to subside. We've had to bungee cord my pantry shut so they don't get into stuff.

We do see improvement and we hold on to that. Her tantrums are getting better, as she seems to be getting more of what's expected of her behavior wise. A huge problem we have is sharing/sibling rivalry, but that's normal for any siblings. It'll take time. Also, we've had them since January 18, and we can already see them filling out. They are getting little bellies on them! We love that, since we could scarily see their ribs A LOT when they arrived to us. I think T will always be tall and thin, which is fine by me! I wish N would grow height wise a bit. We have the full eval at Children's Hospital downtown on Tuesday and we'll see how that goes. I think they're in pretty decent shape overall. Next step will be getting T treatment for her lazy eye. I talked to the Adoption Medicine specialist today and she was very encouraging. She has twins from Kazakhstan and she reassured me that everything we're dealing with is normal and will subside, but it could take months. So, we have to be in it for the long haul.

Thanks for the support and encouragement everyone. We know that in the near future we'll hopefully be able to look back at this and go, "Wow, that sucked, but we made it through." Hopefully, that's sooner rather than later!

Since You've Been Asking

Hi All. This will be a short post, but many of you have been asking how it's going, so I decided to try to give a blog update on our situation.

We are, of course, thrilled to have the kids home. We made it home on January 26, barely avoiding the storm that hit the east coast, which we are grateful for. It was a very difficult day, though. On an 11 hour flight from Moscow to NYC, the kids slept less than 2 hours. So, they were exhausted and we were exhausted. It was 10 pm by the time we got home, and we put them to bed. Then, the jet lag you all have been hearing about on Facebook hit. I think that's getting a bit better, thank goodness. However, due to other issues, we are still not sleeping in the Nault household and may not for a while.

The kids wake up repeatedly in the middle of the night. This is not uncommon for adopted kids. They are in a totally different environment, after having experienced a lot of trauma in their lives. Nicholas (nickname Cola) wakes up and takes a long time to fall back asleep. Hopefully the white noise I downloaded will help. It helped them fall asleep last night. Tatiana (nickname Tania) also wakes frequently, but more importantly,experiences ferocious night terrors. It's awful. Last night we thought she was going to kill herself by accident. She was jumping up on her bed and throwing herself down repeatedly. We thought she was going to hit her head and die. This lasted for 40 minutes, then she did it again, albeit shorter and quieter, 2 hours later. Brian and I thought she was going psychotic, until we called a few people this morning and found out that this is not uncommon. Awful, but not uncommon. Ugh. Hopefully this will wane as she gets comfortable in her new home and environment.

Also, she has terrible tantrums in the day, up to 6-8 times a day, mostly we feel due to us not being able to understand her when she talks and her not being able to understand us. I feel really badly for her, but we also have to set limits. It is not okay for her to hit me or bite Brian. I feel badly because Nicholas is not at all getting the attention he deserves, but I guess it is still much better than being in an orphanage, right?

There are other issues going on too, but that's the major stuff. I feel its important to be honest and not sugarcoat this stuff. We've been honest about everything we've dealt with thus far, so this post is a continuation of that. Hopefully soon, I'll be able to post that things are getting better. To all of you whom I've called and cried to, thanks a lot.

THREE WEEKS!!

I cannot believe that in THREE WEEKS the kids will be home! We leave a week from Saturday and will be home January 26! It is so nutty around here trying to get everything together. Brian's been installing baby gates, I'm getting paperwork together, and I need him to help me organize their room and put a bunch of toys downstairs. Everyone has been so generous with clothes and toys that some of the toys need to be put away and taken out slowly. These kids are NOT used to having an abundance of things and it can really overstimulate them. That's also why we did not decorate the room very much. Decoration can come with time! Also, thanks to Holly and Jill, I have full drawers for Nicholas and TWO sacks of too big clothes in the closet for when he grows! We also have plenty of clothes for her right now, thanks to my lovely aunts Holli and Margaret, and it'll be cheaper and easier buying for one kid on down the line than both of them!

I am SO NERVOUS, but obviously excited too. Hopefully, now that this blog is linked to Facebook, I'll be motivated to post more in the new year. The kids themselves will provide motivation too--everyone wants to see pictures! I can't wait until I can oblige all of your numerous photo requests!!