Short Update

Nothing huge is going on right now, but I thought I'd give a bit of an update of smaller things that are going on here!

1) I've not worked much in the last half of June. Just a few days here and there, and actually none at all last week or this coming week. I've been told the deps will pick back up again in August or so. I don't mind. It's not so bad being off in the summer, but I like getting paid!

2) We have FINALLY gotten a few things done around here decor-wise that I've been wanting to do. The living room and dining room are painted (tan with red accents), the deck is cleaned and stained (so nice to sit on), we've hung a few pictures in the family room and dining room (have a few more to do in other rooms) and got a rug and a bench with coat hooks for the foyer (that has been driving me crazy for the entire time we've lived here). I finally feel like it's our house and it's the way I want it to look!

3) 8 of my 10 tests have come back from the doctor. They are all normal, which is good, according to Brian. I actually kind of wish they'd find something, and then I'd have a reason for why this has happened. Several people have told me that that's a wrong attitude and I agree with them in my head, but it's hard to reconcile in my heart. Just waiting for 2 more on me and the tissue testing for the fetus. I hope that all comes back before we leave on vacation. I think I want a consult with a reproductive endocrinologist just to have a second opinion. Another set of eyes on someone's file is always a good thing.

4) Speaking of our vacation, we leave in 10 days!! Whoo-hoo!!

I Feel Old

Brian and I are going on vacation in abut 2 and a half weeks. We are super excited, we got a great deal to go to Europe, mostly on points, which is great. We'll be spending 10 days in Prague, Vienna, Salzburg, and Munich. Fantastic. Anyway, I realized we needed to do something about Jack the cat while we were gone. I called our cat sitter who watched him when we were gone in Hawaii, but she was already double booked. "Oh, crap," I said to myself, "what are we going to do?" I didn't want to board him again, because when we went on our honeymoon, that was so hard for him. And I felt badly about asking either Holly or Candace to come out several times to check on him, water him, etc.

Last weekend, Brian says to me, "What about Grant?" Grant is my younger brother, who is almost 16 (in about 6 weeks). Brian though maybe he'd like to come stay at the house while we're gone. "Great solution to the problem," I thought to myself. I was sure he'd like the money. But then I realized, HOLY CRAP, GRANT IS OLD ENOUGH TO HOUSE SIT BY HIMSELF. I feel so flipping old.

Grant was born when I was 13. And I hated him as a baby--he ruined my life. I was the youngest kid until then, and then this squalling little thing came into the house And then Travis, the baby (who's now about 5'6" and 140 lbs), came 16 months later. By then, I was used to having my life ruined. But man, it freaked me out to realize that the little baby whose diaper I changed and who peed on me in Meijer was old enough to house sit. Not only was he old enough to house sit, he's old enough to have one of his buddies drive him down, he doesn't need Mom to do it. Also, he can mow the lawn while we're gone!

So, he's going to come and do that. We've got good stuff for a teenager to do, we've got the Wii and satellite TV and stuff. Also, I'm sure he'll want to get back into his running routine (cross country starts soon), and this is a good neighborhood and area to run in. He's going to come down for a day in the next two weeks so we can show him where everything is. So, I'm really glad that that whole situation is going to work out.

But, gosh, not only is Grant actually growing up, my cousin Kayla had her graduation party yesterday, and she is going to State in the fall. It's so weird, because I distinctly remember when she was born--I remember Uncle Mark calling the house and me running across the yard to tell my mom (she was at the neighbor's) and picker bushes cutting up my feet. Crazy that she's leaving for college in the fall. My very young aunt and uncle (not even 50) will pretty much be empty nesters in a few months (Cory still lives at home, but goes to OCC and works a bunch, so he pretty much does his own thing).

I feel so old at 29!

Brighter Times

I am beginning to really feel better. I was at the doctor today, and everything looks good. I'm not looking forward to tomorrow, though. I have to go to the lab in the morning and have 10 vials of blood drawn for 10 different tests to check for common and uncommon cause of miscarriage. I will tolerate having all this blood drawn (one of my least tolerable things) so we can try to get to the bottom of this issue. I have to go in the morning because 2 of the tests the doctor is running are chromosome tests on me, and they have to be done and picked up by noon for immediate shipment. I'm very glad these tests are being done, but the doctor told me that, honestly, she doesn't expect to find anything. She thinks that because I'm young and healthy, she has a feeling that I'm one of these unlucky folks for which they can't find a reason. But at least we'll look.

We did talk about the progesterone issue, which is something I've found in my own personal research. When I was tested last fall during the first miscarriage, my level was 3.8, which by my research is quite low. The doctor agreed that it's low, but it's one of those issues that the medical community can't agree on. Is the level low because I was miscarrying, or was I miscarrying because the level was low? I asked about progesterone supplements for when we try again (providing that no other issue is found). The doctor said she's not a "strong believer" in it, but she certainly prescribes it for people because it doesn't hurt anything. So, when the time comes, I'll be going on that. So, that's what my status is right now. I just want this blood drawn so the tests can start coming back.

Also, my birthday was Friday, and it was good. I'm mentioning this so I can give a shout out to my friend A, who is a frequent reader of this blog and sent me the most awesome birthday card ever that I received today and was exactly what I needed. It is homemade and tells a story of me being a hottie, and everyone from Sawyer from LOST to Matt Damon wanting me. AND it has a picture of Pete Sampras on the cover. A is awesome and creative, and I love it. I have really good friends.

In Mourning

I think many people would be surprised that I am writing this and would not do it if they were in the same situation. However, I deal best with things by talking about them, so here goes.

Friday I suffered my second pregnancy loss in under a year. I am devastated by this. Everything was going along fine with this pregnancy, in stark contrast to the one last fall. At seven weeks, Brian and I went to our first doctor's appointment and saw the heartbeat easily on ultrasound. We felt extremely encouraged, as once you see a fetal heartbeat on ultrasound, there is a less than 10% chance of loss. Well, apparently I am in that crap 10%.

Thursday I had a little spotting, which is not unusual. I called the doctor's office for reassurance, which they provided. However, I woke up Friday, and it was worse and I was beginning to have a little cramping. I was 9 weeks and 5 days. I went to work, but while on break, made a doctor appointment for the afternoon, because I wanted to be checked. I called work and said they needed to get somebody to cover for the afternoon, because I was having an emergency. I split as soon as I could.

I came home and grabbed Brian and by the time we were leaving for the appointment it was getting worse. We made it to the doctor and I was in quite a lot of pain, but it wasn't even as bad as it was last fall. By this point, I knew what was going on. I was expecting to have an ultrasound and be told the fetus wasn't viable and that I would miscarry over the weekend or something. It took about two days of agony last time. Well, this happened so fast, I actually miscarried at the doctor's office, after only an hour or two of severe cramping. I was hysterical and devastated. (I pretty much still am.)

I can take comfort in the fact that at least Brian was with me and not on the road. I could not have been through that by myself. Also, because I was at the doctor's office, they were able to save everything for testing. Because this has happened to me twice now back to back, they are also going to start testing me to see if I have some discernible issue. I hope they can find something, either treatable or not. I cannot deal with this much more.

This one is harder emotionally than last fall for this reason. It's apparent from the ultrasounds I had last fall that that pregnancy never developed normally. It never had a heartbeat. This one was going along fine, and its heart was beating; it was living inside me. I feel like my body did something to kill it. My only consolation is that it's widely believed that a fetus cannot feel pain until about 6-7 months, so at least my little baby didn't suffer.

The last thing I would say is a lesson for people who have never gone through this. Please DO NOT ask people when they are having children. We get that question from well-meaning but ignorant people, and its starting to wear thin. It's a very hurtful question for people like us who have suffered pregnancy losses, or people who have trouble conceiving. Just don't ask it--you have no idea what people are going through behind their closed doors.

Runnin' Down a Dream

Saturday night was a big night. Brian took me to see Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers at the Palace. I love Tom Petty. "Full Moon Fever" came out when I was 10 and it was the first album I have in my consciousness. What I mean is that I remember when that record came out, I remember it as a whole album, not just a song or two. I know all the words to every song on it, and I think it is one of the best records ever. And Tom Petty is one of the best recording artists ever. So I was very excited for Saturday.

We went to the show with my parents, which, to some, may sound lame, but my mom has good taste in music, so she appreciated being asked. We had dinner with them at a very good Mexican restaurant in Lake Orion called Sagebrush Cantina. If you are ever over there and have the chance to go, eat there. It was absolutely delicious food. After dinner, we drove the 6 miles to the Palace and got ready to watch the opening act.

Steve Winwood was the "special guest", and he was very good, I must say. However, it was the longest opening act I've ever seen. He played for an hour! Usually the opener lasts no longer than 30-45 minutes. Then, the freakin' intermission was 50 minutes. So, it was almost 10 p.m. by the time Tom took the stage.

But it was worth the wait. He sounded great, and did tons of classic songs. He did four off "Full Moon Fever," the big 4 as I call them: "Runnin' Down a Dream," "Free Fallin'," "I Won't Back Down," and "Face in the Crowd." He did old songs like "Refugee," "American Girl," and "The Waiting." He did newer stuff like "Mary Jane's Last Dance" and a couple off the "Wildflowers" album. He even did a Traveling Wilburys tune. (For those who don't know, the Traveling Wilburys was a supergroup consisting of Petty, George Harrison, Jeff Lynne, Bob Dylan, and Roy Orbison.) He played for about an hour and 20-25 minutes, and then did a 2 song encore. Very enjoyable evening.

So, overall, my humble review of the show was that it was great. But I would have liked 3 slight changes: 1) 15 minutes less Steve Winwood (even though he was great too) 2) 15 minutes more Tom Petty and 3) less intermission!