Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Where the Hell is Global Warming Now??

I don't have much to write today, being that its Christmas Eve and we'll be heading out soon. I have a ton of stuff I have to do before we make our way, so I just wanted to do a quick check in with my small band of loyal readers. This is pretty much what I have to say:

HOLY SHIT IT'S COLD OUTSIDE! (And as a side note, when will all this snow from hell end? [As a side side note, can snow come from hell?? Isn't that completely counter-intuitive?]). We have about 15 or more inches on the ground right now, and Brian, poor, Brian (who is sick with a cold) is out blowing snow for literally the 10th or so time since last Friday. He's blowing snow almost as much as he's blowing his nose. The company who comes to plow our subdivision blocks the end of our driveway every single time, so we keep having to go back out and dig it out. ARRGGH! But, I almost have some sympathy for the guy at this point, because the snow mounds are so high, there's almost no place to put the crap anymore. Make it stop!

And the cold, oh the cold. As I said above, HOLY SHIT IT'S COLD OUTSIDE! As I said to loyal reader A the other day, I am currently refusing to go outside for fear that I will immediately freeze so cold that scientists will find my body hundreds of years from now, unthaw me, and tell me that civilization as I know it is over. If that happened, my greatest fear would be that the world I would wake up in would be like the movie "Idiocracy." (If you haven't seen it, go ahead, with the warning that its not that great of a movie, but it completely illustrates my fears of what the world is coming to as far as the dumbing down of our society.) Although, if the world doesn't turn into the movie "Idiocracy," maybe the medical community several hundred years from now could tell me what the hell is wrong with my uterus, which would be a bonus.

Anyway, I won't be writing for several days at least. We're heading up to Brian's parents today, staying until tomorrow and coming home tomorrow evening. We'll be home for less than a day probably, and then heading up to my parents' to have Christmas with my family on Saturday, and Brian is going to hunt at my Mom's this weekend. He is very excited.

Have a great Christmas everyone! Be grateful for everything you have! I'm trying to have that as my motto lately, and it helps put things into perspective. :)

Monday, December 15, 2008

My Weekend in Sauga-my-tuck and Other Developments

So, after having the D&C on Thursday, I really needed to get out of town for a few days. My friends KLo and KMu in South Bend had called me earlier in the week, asking me if I wanted to go to Sauga-my-tuck (as its called by KLo) for a spa weekend this past weekend. Dr. Thai (my OB) said it was fine to go, as long as I didn't overdo it, and actually said it would be good to get out and relax. So, Friday afternoon, I took off and headed over to Saugatuck to meet KLo and Steph (the 4th member of the party). KMu had a bar association dinner to attend and couldn't join us until later that night (boo--cause it's not a party until KMu arrives).

The three of us headed off to Phil's, which is a local hangout. Dinner was very tasty, we had these really good portabella mushroom fries for an appetizer, and my lake perch was outstanding. After dinner, we shopped in a few stores, and went back to our rooms. The girls had made arrangements to stay at the spa for the weekend. It's called Bella Vita Spa & Suites. It's a full service spa with 4 guest rooms that are really cool. KMu arrived at 11:30 on Friday and we were up till all hours talking about all sorts of things, everything in the world really, except for babies, thank god. (KLo and Steph are single, and KMu is married, but has no babies on the near horizon).

Saturday morning we got up and had brunch at Pumpernickel's, another local eatery that serves all their breakfasts in cast iron skillets, which was interesting. We then went back to the spa to start our treatments. I got a Signature Facial, 50 minute massage, and a Chocolate Decadence Pedicure (yes, you read that correctly). I now have pretty cranberry colored toes, and the memory of having warm, delicious chocolaty stuff being smeared all over my feet. The next time we go (and there WILL be a next time), I plan on getting the chocolate body wrap, so that I can experience having my ENTIRE BODY smeared in warm, delicious chocolaty stuff.

Saturday evening we went to Everyday People cafe in Douglas for dinner. Dinner was tasty, but I have to say the dessert caught my attention. KLo ordered Creme Brulee Pastries, and Steph ordered the Homemade S'More (graham cracker crust, chocolate ganache, peanut butter ganache, and a homemade marshmallow, all layered together, with the marshmallow toasted at your table by the server). KMu and I sampled off both, and HOLY CRAP, they may have just been the best dessert I've ever tasted. Then, we came back to the Suites and watched "It's a Wonderful Life" on TV (which KLo and Steph had never seen, and KMu and I kept having to reassure KLo that it really was a Wonderful Life at the end). Sunday morning we got up, had brunch again, shopped a little bit, and took off back home. A good time was had by all, and I can't wait to go back.

In other developments, just so everyone knows, the D&C did go well on Thursday and I feel fine. I have to say I would highly recommend Providence Park. The operation was efficient, and the staff was so nice. When I was in pre-op, the nurses saw me crying my eyes out and immediately came over and asked me what was the matter, and when I explained, they hugged me and said they'd much rather have me there on a different floor (ie, maternity). The surgery went fine, and the chaplain came over after and talked to us about the losses, etc, and he was very nice. It was interesting--in my post-op information, there were two form letters I could sign and send out asking marketing companies to not send baby related things to our house, as we've experienced a recent loss. Needless to say, I put those in the mail today, as I cannot handle having that crap come to the house right now.

Also, this afternoon, I had to go for my weekly blood draw at the doctor's office (they have to make sure my hcg levels come down to zero). While I was waiting for my lab sheet, the receptionist asks me if I'm in a hurry, because Dr. Thai wants to squeeze me in for an appointment. I said that was fine, but I was a little freaked out, because that just doesn't happen very often. But, it was fine, Dr. Thai just wanted to talk to me for a few minutes and give me a complete report of all the tests I've had run for when I go to a specialist. She also had the pathology report back already from the lab from Thursday, and without going into long, boring detail, it was interesting, and she told me she is very interested to get the genetic report (could take up to 6 weeks). From the way she said that, I think she believes it will show genetic abnormality. I can accept that, and actually, I think it would give me a little comfort.

Thank you for reading and caring, everyone. I am finally in the Christmas spirit, so Merry Christmas!

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Recurrent Miscarriage

I haven't posted in a while, and by the title of this blog, I'm sure you can all guess why. Yes, it is true, I am having yet another miscarriage. This makes 3 in a row, and Brian and I are now officially classified as suffering from "recurrent miscarriage." This is something that 1% or less of couples ever suffer from, and is defined as having 3 miscarriages in a row.

We found out for sure last Wednesday (day before Thanksgiving) that this pregnancy wasn't viable. Improper growth, and loss of fetal heart tones that had been detected 2 weeks earlier. Apparently, progesterone and baby aspirin didn't help me as they seem to help others. We ended up staying home from Thanksgiving, as I didn't know what was going to happen when, and I also, quite honestly, would have a hard time being around certain family members who can't seem to STOP having children when they should, when Brian and I can't seem to have one to save our lives.

So, we are currently in a waiting game. I've not yet actually "lost" the pregnancy, and honestly, I just wish I would. I just want this nightmare over with, I'm not at work right now (although I found out there are no deps this month anyway, so I wouldn't be working in any case). My OB has said she'd give me two weeks (its been 1 week today), and then I have to have a D&C, which I am terrified of. As much as it hurts physically to lose the pregnancy naturally, emotionally, I do not relish the thought of having an invasive medical procedure that would feel way too much like having an abortion.

My OB also wants me to see a Reproductive Endocrinologist, but also admitted to me that she doesn't know what they'll do for me, because all the tests they can do (as far as she knows) have already been run. And from what I can tell from my research, she's correct. But I guess I'm willing to go and see what a specialist has to say. But if they tell me that all they can do is monitor me every week if I decide to try again, I don't know what I'll do about that. I do not know how many times I can put myself through this. Honestly, with this one, I'm not really even crying, I feel cried out. Also, emotionally right now I am more pissed off and frustrated than anything else. And that's the thing--going through all this is making me not even excited to try again, not even excited anymore to "have" a baby. And I don't want to feel that way. I think I may be ready to get off the roller coaster, at least for awhile, depending on what a specialist says. I think Brian is somewhat disappointed to hear that from me, but he has to know that no matter how hard this is on him, its 100 times harder on me.

So, I just wanted to get this piece of information out there, so people know what's going on with us and why we may be acting weird for awhile yet. And why we may need some time. Although right now we are taking it day by day, depending on how I feel.

Thanks for reading, everybody.