Please Help Natasha!

So, today being the last day of November, it is also the last day of National Adoption Month.  I hope you all read my earlier post and took it to heart!

Recently on my FRUA Families for Russian and Ukranian Adoption) Facebook page, this little girl was profiled as needing a home.  The woman who posted the entry is Russian and is a volunteer with a foundation there to help abandoned children.  Everyone who has met this little girl says she is an absolute joy.  She's had some VERY serious medical needs, but is doing very well after having numerous surgeries and is cognitively just fine!  I cannot stop thinking about her, wishing I could go scoop her up and bring her home.  But I can't.  I cannot save every Russian orphan, unfortunately.  So, in an effort to help find her a home, I'm posting about her here.  If you can help with a donation through Reece's Rainbow (tax deductible) or know somebody who may be interested, please spread the word and/or contact the agency she's offered through, HAPS New Jersey International Adoption Agency.  Or you could even email the woman who posted about her, Natalia Zimina at sobachka02@yahoo.com.

So, without further adieu, here is a link to Natasha's profile (her nickname is Tera!).  Please help if you can!

http://reecesrainbow.org/28060/tera

Please, Consider Adoption!

As I sit here and write (for the second time in a month!), my kids are upstairs sleeping.  Sleeping, in their warm beds, with food in their bellies, clean from a bath, knowing, finally, that they are loved.  Some people would say they're lucky. I say we're lucky to have them--we got the family we wanted.  But there are many children in the world who DON'T have the family they want.

We've had the kids home 9 months, and just hit our one year anniversary of meeting them, and November is National Adoption Month.   These things are making me very introspective about the journey we went through, and about all the children who got left behind.  And there are LOTS of them.

Here are some sobering statistics.  In the U.S. alone, there are over 500,000 in foster care, several hundred thousand of which are available for adoption.  At least 13 million children worldwide are true orphans, without the care of either parent or any family members.  In Russia, where our children were born, there are over 700,000 children in need of a family, most for social reasons.  SEVEN HUNDRED THOUSAND--and Russia has half the population of the US.  Russia is one of the top three countries from which Americans bring home children, the other two being China and Ethiopia. 

The fact is, nothing good awaits these children in other countries if they are not adopted.  These countries have no social safety net, and there's no way to get an education there without a family.  Once the kids age out of the system, they are pretty much invisible people.  The most recent stats I read for Russia stated that every year, 10,000 children age 16 or 17 leave Russian orphanages.  85% of those children turn to crime, drugs, and prostitution.  500 every year commit suicide because of the hopelessness.  I would bet my life savings that the statistics are not much better for China and Ethiopia.  And, the fact is, its not much better here for kids who leave foster care.  

So, my plea is--PLEASE CONSIDER ADOPTION.  Whether it be domestic infant (there's a special need for homes for minority children!), U.S. foster care, or international, children need homes.  Yes, most adoptions cost money (U.S. foster care adoptions are generally free), but I'm sure, honestly, many people could evaluate their lifestyle and realize they have a lot more than they realize.  How many lattes do you drink a week? Or energy drinks? How many trips do you take?  Do you feel the need to have a new car every 2 or 3 years?  These things may seem important, but they're not.  Not when you think about the fact you literally could be saving a life.  And I can tell you from experience, I cannot imagine loving kids more than I love these kids.  Every person I've ever talked to who has bio kids and adopted kids has told me there's absolutely no difference in the love for an adopted child vs. a bio kid.  From the moment these kids were brought to us in a hotel room at 9 am on a Tuesday in Arkhangelsk, Russia, they were mine. 

So, before I get off my soapbox, here are  few links to different websites.

Our agency, Adoption Associates, does both domestic infant and International.

http://www.adoptionassociates.net/

Bethany Christian Services is another well respected agency that does both domestic and international.

http://www.bethany.org/

For info on U.S. Foster adoptions, check out the link below or talk to your state Department of Social Services.

http://www.adoptuskids.org/

Just the Three of Us...

So, Brian is gone this entire week. He won't be home until Friday morning. This is the longest he's left the kids and I in the nearly four months we've been home. I'm both anxious and calm about it. Anxious because it's a long time for him to be gone and me to be alone with the kiddos all on my own, but also calm because I know everything'll be okay. I just know that when ge gets home, I'll immediately want to turn them over to him! Ha ha. But, we have a fairly busy week. Tomorrow, my aunt Margaret is coming to visit. She hasn't seen us since she stayed when Tania was sickly the first time he left us. They are so different, WE are so different. I think she's going to be shocked! Tuesday is Cola's playgroup, and Wednesday our social worker is coming for our first official post placement visit. I think she's gojng to be very pleased with what she sees!

As you can tell, things are a TON better around here. I think we're through most of our transition. It was short but traumatic! At one month in, I felt like a crazy person, at two months, I was starting to see the light at the tunnel, and three months in, I let out a huge sigh of relief and thought, "Wow, this is gotten pretty good!". And now, we're four months in, and I love these little monsters so much! Cola is the sweetest little boy and Tania is such a beautiful, smart little girl it's scary! I'm so excited for her to start pre-school in a week. I think she's going to thrive. She seems excited and she can start in some catch up learning.

Time to sign off and watch some "Game of Thrones" since the kids are sleeping!

Sleepless in Michigan!

But hopefully not forever!

The title of this blog actually refers to the kids, not necessarily Brian and I. We're doing okay, because adults can survive on 6 or 7 hours of sleep. But kids at age 2 and 3 cannot survive on 9 or 10. It's simply too little. So, I sought some advice on this subject from an expert we've met at our support group meetings.

From what we've read, these issues we're having (having to lay with them, them unable to fall asleep for long periods of time, frequent waking, not sleeping long enough or consistently) are totally common for new adoptees. Sleep is the most frequent reason post adopting families seek help. She actually stated that given the trauma, upheaval and fright our children experienced for the first 2 and 3.5 years of their lives, it could be a lot worse. Right now, I am still sleeping with Tatiana and Brian deals with Nicholas. Cindy, the psychologist, stated that we have a good strategy right now and are doing all the right things. She endorsed our plan to turn Cola's crib into his full sized bed and for him and Brian to sleep in there, instead of our bed. I need to keep doing what I'm doing. Then, we can EVENTUALLY transition ourselves out. But, that can't happen and this situation won't improve until they feel really comfortable and totally trust us, which can honestly take up to a year, as Cindy informed me. That is a bit daunting, but we have to be in this for the long haul. And bedtime will continue to be a long process for us, so don't expect to see Brian or I out at night for ages. Bye bye social life!

Cindy reassured me that this WILL get better. Like I said, the LONG HAUL. We haven't even been home 2 months, I keep reminding myself! It feels like a lot longer, quite honestly. I am so happy that the weather is breaking and we can get them outside. After being outside, Cola has shown signs of wanting to lay down in the living room and maybe go to sleep on his own, but Tania bothers him!! It's so frustrating. Hopefully, when they're BOTH out running a ton consistently, she go down for some quiet time/nap so he can too and I can quit wasting gas in the darn car every day!

If any of you care to look, here's a really good website I found that lays these issues out really well and explains why this happens with adoptees.

www.adoptmed.org/topics/sleep-and-adoption.html

Thanks for the support all!

Since You've Been Asking

Hi All. This will be a short post, but many of you have been asking how it's going, so I decided to try to give a blog update on our situation.

We are, of course, thrilled to have the kids home. We made it home on January 26, barely avoiding the storm that hit the east coast, which we are grateful for. It was a very difficult day, though. On an 11 hour flight from Moscow to NYC, the kids slept less than 2 hours. So, they were exhausted and we were exhausted. It was 10 pm by the time we got home, and we put them to bed. Then, the jet lag you all have been hearing about on Facebook hit. I think that's getting a bit better, thank goodness. However, due to other issues, we are still not sleeping in the Nault household and may not for a while.

The kids wake up repeatedly in the middle of the night. This is not uncommon for adopted kids. They are in a totally different environment, after having experienced a lot of trauma in their lives. Nicholas (nickname Cola) wakes up and takes a long time to fall back asleep. Hopefully the white noise I downloaded will help. It helped them fall asleep last night. Tatiana (nickname Tania) also wakes frequently, but more importantly,experiences ferocious night terrors. It's awful. Last night we thought she was going to kill herself by accident. She was jumping up on her bed and throwing herself down repeatedly. We thought she was going to hit her head and die. This lasted for 40 minutes, then she did it again, albeit shorter and quieter, 2 hours later. Brian and I thought she was going psychotic, until we called a few people this morning and found out that this is not uncommon. Awful, but not uncommon. Ugh. Hopefully this will wane as she gets comfortable in her new home and environment.

Also, she has terrible tantrums in the day, up to 6-8 times a day, mostly we feel due to us not being able to understand her when she talks and her not being able to understand us. I feel really badly for her, but we also have to set limits. It is not okay for her to hit me or bite Brian. I feel badly because Nicholas is not at all getting the attention he deserves, but I guess it is still much better than being in an orphanage, right?

There are other issues going on too, but that's the major stuff. I feel its important to be honest and not sugarcoat this stuff. We've been honest about everything we've dealt with thus far, so this post is a continuation of that. Hopefully soon, I'll be able to post that things are getting better. To all of you whom I've called and cried to, thanks a lot.

Dear Blog...

Dear Blog:

I know it seems as though I've totally forgotten about you. I'm sorry. I really do still love you, I'm just really, really busy with work right now. And when you're on a computer 8 hours a day at work, you sort of don't want to come home and visit your blog. Not much has been going on lately anyway, just work, work, work and normal life stuff. You're really not missing much. Plus, and don't be mad, I've been spending a lot of time with your cousin Facebook lately. No, that is NOT cheating! You and I DO NOT have a mutually exclusive relationship. I promise I'll get back with you soon, I hope you haven't been lonely. I really am not going to abandon you, I promise. Especially because once the kids are home (whenever THAT might be), I'll certainly have lots and lots of good things to tell you.

Some good things are coming up, so maybe I'll tell you about those in a few weeks--Grant's Open House, my birthday, then Fourth of July and Brian's and my vacation up north at the end of July. Hopefully I'll have good pictures to show you!

Take heart blog, and know that your owner still loves you.

Bored, Bored, Super Bored

In case you can't tell, I'm pretty bored at the moment. It's 9 pm on a Friday, and normally Brian and I would be hanging out, at dinner and/or a movie, watching a movie here, doing SOMETHING. But that jerk is in Key West with his buddies this weekend, and I'm here all by myself, being bored. And its not like I haven't tried to find things to occupy my time around here, but I'm trying to spread the projects around so I have something to do tomorrow. Today I have already worked out, cleaned half the house (upstairs), read half of Sookie Stackhouse book #5, snow blew the driveway and played in the snow for a few minutes, talked to my mother, texted with Candace, watched way too much TV, and was on Facebook for probably 2 hours. And I'm STILL bored.

Like I said, I'm spreading around the things to do, so I'm not twice as bored tomorrow as I am today. Tomorrow I will go to yoga, finish cleaning, re-blow the driveway if need be, and probably read a significant portion of my book, if not finish it. Sure, there are other things to do around here, but most of them are in the nature of things that I need Brian around to do. Like clean and organize the basement. Could I do it? Absolutely. Would he be happy with the results? Probably not. I would most likely throw away things and organize them in a way that would not please him, so that'll have to wait. Only, we've been meaning to get around to that for the past year or so. Oh well. Yesterday, I did some shopping for the house, and got a new mop, springy patterned tablecloth, and replaced a few items of makeup that needed to be pitched. Nothing too crazy.

I didn't work this week, so I had time on my hands. Earlier in the week, Candace helped me start the process of looking at cribs and bedroom furniture sets. I think our plan is to have the kids share for a while, even if we get a boy and a girl (in the tan room, for those of you who have been here). The reasons behind this are several. One, it'll be easier for us for a while, and cheaper to only have to fully furnish one bedroom at first. Two, one of us may have to sleep in the room with them for awhile, because we expect they'll frequently wake, possibly with nightmares, nervousness, etc, for the first period of time. This is normal with children who come from orphanages. And three, also related to sleeping, since these children will be used to sleeping in a room with 10 other children, and NOT used to being alone, we think it'll be more comforting for them too. So, we've decided we'll be shopping for a convertible crib, dresser, etc, for the room, so the young one will have a forever set of furniture. Then, we'll get a cheap toddler bed and mattress for the older one and just put it in the same room. When they're ready to separate, we'll buy a complete bed set and set it all up in the other bedroom (the one that's now green, but used to be blue, right across the hall from the other one).

So, that is literally all that's going on here right now. I've been reading the Sookie Stackhouse books on which "TrueBlood" is based, and they are pretty fantastic, I've been flying through them. It's gotten me thinking that I could totally write something along those lines. I've always wanted to write a book, but have never had the guts to start. April, perhaps a collaboration???

Thanks for letting me alleviate my boredom!

Musings on a Snow Day

Aahh, snow day. As a kid, it's always everyone's favorite day of the year. As an adult, it's STILL my favorite day, even though my work is so sporadic that having a day off is pretty much like most other days! But as early as Monday, I was asking my work if I was REALLY going to have work today, which they probably found extremely irritating. Anyway, yesterday I had to go to Clinton Township of all places, and we were lucky that our deposition got called for the day at a little after one because our Plaintiff was in so much pain (he has mesothelioma, unfortunately, and pops Vicodin probably 6 times a day). So I made it home yesterday by about 3 pm and waited for the snow to increase in intensity, which it did. And my work today in Saginaw DID get canceled, obviously, or I couldn't be working on this blog at 9 am.

So I'm sitting here on my snow day, thinking about stuff. At work yesterday, people were having a fit at the prospect of work being canceled and deps being rescheduled, etc. I remember saying to one of my attorney friends that "asbestos deps are not worth me risking my life" and his response was a very cheerful, yet serious, "Yes, they are!" And all I could think was, WTF? NO, THEY'RE NOT!

It's that response by my friend that got me pondering this: When did everyone start to think their lives are so big and important that a snow day will simply ruin everything? When did we become a society of people always moving, moving, moving, but never really seeming to get anything that really matters done? We're all walking around like chickens with our heads cut off. And honestly, people, IT'S NOT THAT IMPORTANT. Very few things things in life truly cannot wait--a medical emergency, a birth, the response times of the Police Department when you call 911. But other than that, seriously, it can wait. Today's asbestos deps can wait until next week. That lunch date with a friend, it can wait. That trip to the grocery store because I MUST GO TODAY (probably so little Billy doesn't run out of his favorite junk food that he doesn't need anyway)--well, it too, can wait.

When it's snowing like this, seriously, just stay home. That's what people used to do, back when people had common sense and no over blown sense of self importance. I wish more non-vital businesses would shut down or delay opening on days like this, so people could stay home with their kids, and not be forced to drive in this muck, etc. I remember my mom taking me to work with her when I was little and we had days off school (she was a housekeeper, so this was allowed). I actually remember us putting our car into the ditch one day trying to get to her work (hmmm, do you think that means we probably should have just stayed home? Again, cleaning the person's house could wait!). I think we, as a society, need to take a deep breath and think about what is truly vital in our lives and what isn't.

Candace and I have been watching "Anne of Green Gables" and the sequel, and the other day I said to her, "I could live like that," which brought up the idea of going without certain modern conveniences. I certainly don't want to live without blue jeans, antibiotics and tampons, and said this, but I certainly could live a life where the most pressing issue is when the cows get milked and what's for dinner, and where you ride your bike into town every day to get the mail and maybe something at the store. I think its a better lifestyle than most of us have today.

Funny the kind of musings a snow day can bring.

Enjoy it, everyone.

Happy New Year, About Two Weeks Late

Holy crap, if 2010 gets any more interesting, I just might fall over. Sorry for taking so long to write my first post of 2010, but as many of you know, we've been pretty darn busy in the Nault house.

For New Year's weekend, we went to Chicago to visit our friends the Fontanas. First, we drove through a blizzard around Kalamazoo New Year's Day on the way there, which was not fun. On Saturday, Brian, John, and a bunch of other guys went to the Northwestern vs. Michigan State basketball game and had a great time. (John and Erica live right next to Northwestern's campus.) Then, they came back and we all watched the bowl game that the MSU basketball team was playing in. Sounds like a fun weekend, right? Well, it was, other than the fact that Friday night one of my wisdom teeth starting aching, and by Sunday, I could barely open my mouth. By Monday, I called the dentist, who referred me to the oral surgeon, and on Tuesday morning, with Candace and Ollie waiting for me, I had my upper wisdom teeth out. I'm recovering well and am glad I'm never going to have that problem again. For about a year, my dentist has been telling me I needed to start thinking about having that done, and I should have listened!

Then, on Tuesday night, Grant came down to spend the night so I could take him to the airport Wednesday morning early to catch a flight to Steamboat, Colorado to go snowboarding with our Aunt Margaret and our cousins Nolan and Emma. It was his first time flying and he's a minor still, so I made sure we got there plenty early. This turned out to be a good thing, as his flights were screwed up, and they were able to get him on an earlier flight so he'd make his connection in Chicago and get to Colorado on schedule. So that worked out well. But, on the way home, my low tire pressure monitor went off in my car just as I was pulling off the highway by my house. I managed to drive to the dealership where we get our service work done, and watched my tire lose pressure as I was driving 4 miles up Grand River (my car has electronic pressure monitoring). When I pulled in, my tire had 12 pounds of pressure. When I'd left the house, it had 28.

I was supposed to go to work that afternoon, but that didn't end up happening. When they pulled the tire off the car and did the soap and water test around the rims (this enables them to see where the leak is), 6 inches of my rim was totally destroyed and leaking like a sieve. My car was not driveable AT ALL. I took the shuttle home, and they managed to get me a new rim and fix my car that day so I wasn't stranded. I had Grant's little truck here, but it's a stick and I can't drive a stick! And Brian was gone in DC! So, there went another $400 down the drain for vehicle repair. Lovely.

And finally, this morning, we had to go WAY down in the ghetto part of Detroit to the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration office to get our biometrics taken (i.e., fingerprints) for our childrens' immigrant visa. You have to do this in advance, or you'll be stuck in Russia forever while stuff gets processed. So, we drive over an hour one way, walk in, and it takes FIVE whole minutes to do what needs to be done. Then, we leave. URG. But, it has to be done, right? At least the roads weren't bad this morning, traffic was okay, and we made it fine. The folks working were really nice, asking us where we're adopting from, etc. And the digital fingerprint system they have is pretty freaking sweet. I almost expected them to do a retinal scan or something too, but they didn't.

So, obviously, we've been very busy the last few weeks. I'm hoping next week is quiet, with no car breakdowns or health issues. It seems Brian only has a one day trip next week, which is nice. He's going to be gone a ton the next few months.

I'll write again soon, I hope!

Back to School...I Wish

So, it's September, and all the kids (college and younger!) are back in school. I cannot believe how quickly this non-summer summer we had passed. It's completely ridiculous. It's only September 10, and the leaves on the trees are already starting to turn colors. Ugh. I am so not ready for fall. Not that fall is bad, but fall leads to winter, which leads to snow and cold...you see where I'm going with this.

Anyway, back to "back to school." This time of year always makes me nostalgic for school days. It's been 5 years since I graduated law school, but I still feel like I should be going back to school this time of year. I honestly just love school; I'm such a nerd to the core. I love buying school supplies--the pens, pencils, paper and notebooks. Once I hit college and law school, I loved going to the bookstore and buying all my books for class, and all the highlighters and paper flags I would ever need (although I didn't like the bill!). I loved organizing my notebooks for class--in law school I had a very organized system, consisting of a huge 3 ring binder in which I kept all my notes for classes, organized chronologically, i.e., the first class I had Monday morning was first in the book, the second class of the week was next, and on down. At the time, I was very proud of this system, but now I realize it was dangerous--what if I lost that notebook and all my notes were gone? That would have been deadly.

Buying supplies and organizing was just one reason to love back to school--the other reason truly was the school part. I LOVE going and sitting in class (I always went to the front left of the classroom--I still do even when doing my exercise classes). I LOVE listening, taking notes, and raising my hand to talk, even if I am a bit like Horshack from "Welcome Back Kotter." ("Oooh-oooh-oooooh!" while raising hand vigorously.) Or, to give another example for those not familiar with "Welcome Back Kotter," see also Hermione Granger from the Harry Potter series. (God, I see so much of myself in that character!) I am such a nerd to the core, and truly in my heart, feel like school is the thing in the world I'm best at. I've never been as good at any job as I am at attending school. Unfortunately, being a professional student does the opposite of providing a pay check, but if I had the money, the first thing I'd do is enroll in classes again. I'd get a Masters in something like Political Science (my undergrad major) or even in English Lit (my minor). And when that was done, I'd move on to something else!

I know I'm probably nuts, and most of you reading this could not be more glad to not have to go to class. So, if any of my readers out there ARE actually going back to class, enjoy it and know there's at least one person who'd love to trade places with you. :)

Latest Happenings, and Happenings to be...

Man, I haven't written here very much lately! So sorry to anyone who actually reads this thing! The thing is that I just haven't had a ton going on lately. Here's a rundown of things that have happened and things to come.

1) Got the carpets cleaned on Monday. Not exciting, I know, but I was happy. And they weren't nearly as bad as I thought, and some big yucky stains in the dining room came up great. Now I know when they've been done, and we hired a local Howell company to do it, which makes me feel good. The tech was very nice and he was in and out in 2 and a half hours for the whole house. Not bad! And the price wasn't too bad either!

2) I do not have an update on the 19 year old marrying the 75 year old guy situation. I asked my parents when we were up there for Tim Brown's open house last weekend, and they haven't heard anything. I am dying of curiosity!

3) I've been working and working again, which is fine. Money is nice. I was supposed to have two weeks off at the beginning of the month, and it ended up being shortened. There's not much in August yet from what I hear. Miss April, I want to come out and see you or have you come and visit the house again! I know you didn't get to see much when you came for my party! And thanks again for coming, I'm so glad you did.

4) We leave on Wednesday for our trip up north. Very excited! I got Brian a new camera for our anniversary/his birthday, so there may be good pics to post! And the campsite and inn both have wi-fi, so they may be up quickly, if we get around to it!

5) I've also had a request to take pics of the house for my friend Miss Laura (Newly engaged! Congrats!) out in California so she can see the house. She's asked me to post them here. I'll try to do that, so sorry I haven't yet!

6) Finally, just a quick update on baby stuff. In a nutshell, there is no update. The more intervention we try, the less pregnant I get. I do not expect that I can put myself through this crap much longer. Brian is getting tired of it too, and he's not even the one getting poked and prodded and on medicine all the time. So, we may stop this pursuit soon and move on to building our family in another way. I am very excited about that prospect!

Fourth of July Weirdness

So, I know I posted this a little on FB, but I must elaborate on the the weirdness at my parents' house on the Fourth of July.

First off, its really true that Brian and I were REALLY out of place. We were completely surrounded by 17 year olds and 70 year olds. Grant had a ton of people there, probably 20 teenage kids, some who seemed nice and some who were annoying, as many teenagers are! I can't get over how old these teenage girls look now--is 15 the new 25? Good lord, those girls are more made up and put together than I am now at 30. What happened to braces and pimply faces? For those of you who read this who knew me in high school, we DID NOT look like that 12 or so years ago.

As for the 70 year olds, my parents friends seem to be aging at a rapid rate of acceleration--a few short years ago, it seems their friends were their age. Now, it seems that they have about 2 friends their own age, and the rest are all literally senior citizens, which my parents are not. So, Brian ended up hanging out with my cousin Cory all night (age 21, and he even felt old next to the kids) and I talked to my mom and grandma, and hung out with Brian and Cory. And Holly and Denny later when they came over! Holly did not bring the kids, which was probably for the best, and so Emily got to stay at home with her Grandpa Jim (Holly's dad), who she proudly informed her mother is her "BFF." Where the heck does a 3 and a half year old learn BFF???

Finally, we get to the part I know many of you are wondering about....the 75 year old marrying the 19 year old. Here is the story. This guy Ron has been a friend of my parents for a long time. He's also done a ton of carpentry/building work for them, which is his forte and he's very good at it. I guess a few years ago he bought a house in the UP up by the Soo and began spending summers up there, working and enjoying himself (For a 75 year old, this guy looks like a healthy 60 year old and could outwork any of his reading or writing this blog!). Across the street lived this family of a single dad with 3 kids, mom took off to Ohio. I guess they are kind of wacky religious, and the kids, especially the 2 girls, are not allowed to talk to anybody not approved by the dad. They've been homeschooled, haven't had jobs, etc. These people are also really poor, and Ron would frequently raid my mother's garden for all sorts of stuff to take up to them so they'd have food. Well, this girl starting hanging around Ron, and dad let it go, probably thinking he was harmless. When he came back down to Mayville for the winter, she kept calling him and calling him. He would pick and talk to her, partially to not be rude but I'm also sure he enjoyed the attention. He claims that he told her repeatedly to go get a boyfriend her own age, to no avail. Well, the absent mom comes in the picture and tells Ron to quit talking to her daughter, etc, and his response is "She's been calling ME, all I do is pick up the phone." Fast forward to this summer, and they are apparently getting married this week, and might be already as I write this blog. When I saw them at the party, I seriously thought it was his cute little granddaughter, until Jim tells us all otherwise, and my Mom confirmed the story. We totally thought he was pulling our leg, but no. Obviously, this girl sees this as her way out, and I'm sure Ron enjoys having a cute young girl on his arm. If everyone is going into it with eyes open, not my business.....but I was grossed out a second time when Jim wondered out loud if the girl might be pregnant.....

Where the hell did June go?

Um, so 2 weeks have passed since I last blogged. I have no idea where the hell the month went since my party. I've just been very very busy! Not much to report on this last day of June. I'm happy Candace and Oliver are coming back tonight, as I'm now off on break from work for 2 weeks and desperately want to hang out! I think we may go to the Zoo, hang out at the pool, etc. I'm excited. I'm also very excited that Brian and I are going up north for a few days at the end of July, beginning of August. We're camping in Grand Marais with my aunt, uncle and cousins, and then heading to Houghton/Hancock for a few days to see my friend Mary and drive up to Copper Harbor! Fun! This coming weekend is the Fourth of July, with my mother's yearly party that Brian and I have never actually attended together. We've always had other plans! So this year, that's it. I feel like so many things are going on, before I know it, fall will be here and I'll have missed the summer totally. We have the Kid Rock show to go to in a few weeks, and Jimmy Buffett in August, after Brian goes camping. We're so busy, its crazy! I hope to talk to everyone soon!

Fainting Update!

Miss April specifically asked me and others might be interested, so here's an update on what's up with my fainting.

Basically, I took some tests last Friday, namely a glucose tolerance test and a full thyroid panel. The thyroid panel was actually at my request, just to check it. My TSH is normal, but I've never had the full panel done, and thyroid issues can cause miscarriages and other problems, so for my peace of mind, I asked for it. My doctor is so cool, she had no issue with me asking and added the tests to my lab order. Of course she's cool, she went to Western too! (And she's only 2 years older than I am!).

My test results came in on Tuesday. And the grand verdict is..........There is nothing wrong with me! My sugar was normal and so was the thyroid. Apparently, I just like to faint for no reason. She said at this point, she didn't need to see me, and advised me to make sure I eat regularly (not a problem) and to eat more protein and less sugar (will be a challenge, as sugar is my favorite food group). She said if it happens again, come see her immediately, as there are other, more invasive things she can check me for (like heart stuff, etc). I did have an EKG in the ER, which came out normal. So, I guess, sometimes people just faint.

Also, just thought I'd throw in here that my dog bite bruise is healing well and looks a lot less gross. And I finally fixed my torn pants. But I'm really disappointed the owners of the dog never came to see me after their vacation, like they promised they would. The next time I ride by their house (very cautiously, I might add), if I see them, I'm going to stop and call them out on it.

That's all for now. Bye all!

"The Business of Being Born"

I have to tell everyone that yesterday Candace and I watched this movie called "The Business of Being Born." It is a documentary made by Ricki Lake (yes, that Ricki Lake) after having her first son in the hospital and having what she calls a "dissatisfying" experience. After having her first son, she got really into this natural, homebirth thing, and in this movie, it actually shows her giving birth to her second son at home, in a bath tub.

I was nervous to watch this movie, as I thought the birth scenes would freak me out. In reality, the birth scenes were not as freaky as I thought it would be. The issue I have with this movie is that it clearly is made from one point of view--the anti-OB, anti-hospital birth point of view. It makes out EVERY hospital to be bad and every OB out like they just want to do C-sections all the time, etc. It also makes it seem like all women's experiences with birth in the hospital as bad or traumatic for them somehow, and presents home birth as the ONLY way to solve this problem. I mean, the scenes showing actual births in homes were depicted as almost orgasmic when the child was coming out. Seriously, the sounds the women were making sounded like porn. Good for those women that they can do that without drugs, but I simply don't think its realistic for many women. I know the argument is that all women used to give birth at home with no intervention, and my response to that is, "Yeah, that's when women used to die in labor and delivery."

Candace and I discussed this after, and we agreed that the movie makes valid points about the state of maternal health care in this country. For example, I do think hospitals and OBs, in general, do too many interventions. They are too quick to give Pitocin if things aren't moving along, they are quick to do C-sections if there is any distress (and fetal distress during a birth is common and not necessarily alarming). Hospitals want you in and out as soon as possible. Further, its an excellent point that the "laying on your back" position they make you do in the hospital is the WORST one for giving birth--you should theoretically be up and letting gravity help. However, you cannot do this if you do get an epidural, which I strongly believe should be kept widely available. Finally, the cost argument was a good one--a normal vaginal delivery in a hospital can cost $13,000. A home birth with a midwife, about $4,000. C sections cost even more, and now 1 in 3 women have a C-section. That is twice what is medically necessary, and it seems that docs down play the risk of complication from C section. It is real and it's scary, particularly with every repeat C section you have. However, this doesn't mean that 90% of women should give birth at home, or would even want to. For example, if I'm laboring at home and something bad happens--it would take a good 20-25 minutes for me to get to the hospital. In that time, something very bad could happen to me or my baby (if I ever have one). That is scary to me. And Candace stated the she doesn't consider her birth of Oliver in the hospital to have been traumatic, and I think neither do any of the women I know, so that shoots one of their arguments in the foot.

Candace and I agreed that we wished there could be some middle ground between the two sides of this debate. Like truly changing the mind set of OBs and patients that we will do as few interventions as possible and let a woman labor a long time if necessary. The problem is that OBs think midwives are crazy and midwives hate OBs, typically. So, I do think some good can come from this movie. I will say that last week I read an article in the New York Tomes online that sort of followed up this movie (I read the article before I saw the movie). It talks to some VERY dissatisfied patients of this midwife named Kara who is featured prominently in the film. She has had some very bad results that are not discussed in the film, and when things go wrong, she pretty much just dumps people at the hospital with no explanation to the medical staff there. Hospitals in the area of New York where she practices do not like her. So, that was interesting.

Anyway, I would recommend that if you watch the movie, keep in mind its from one point of view. Watch it, and form your own opinions. It was actually pretty interesting.

No Needles for Me, No Sir

Brian and I had another appointment today at the special baby making doctor's office. Before we went on vacation, I had several tests run, and I just needed in my own head to talk it through with the doc a little more before we jumped back into anything. All the tests he had run turned out well, which makes things even more frustrating (trust me, when you deal with a situation like this, you want them to find something wrong, just so you have some certainty). I know I talked a bit in a previous post about heparin, which is a blood thinner. The doc doesn't think I need it, but I sort of think I do. And that's what I wanted to talk about today a little more.

We started off first discussing why he wants to give me Clomid (which stimulates the ovaries) when I have no flipping trouble getting pregnant. He stated the Clomid would be to optimize conditions at ovulation, keeping good hormone levels high, and making things best as possible for embryo implantation. But he also said, if I don't want to do it, its my choice. He feels its just one thing that may up my chances a little and won't hurt (other than slightly increasing my chances of having twins--they do monitor you to help prevent that). Okay, I understand that, and I totally appreciate the fact that he's not pushing it.

Then, we moved on to discussing heparin, the blood thinner shots. Again, certain enzyme levels I have are good, and my clotting times are good, which would indicate that I don't need the heparin despite having the gene mutation. However, its hard to trust what's being told to you when you have numerous women on message boards telling you that you "absolutely have to have it and I cannot believe your doctor will not give it to you! Mine gave it to me without question! I would absolutely get a second opinion!" We discussed this at length.

I asked him if he doesn't feel I need it and neither do a lot of other women, why are so many doctors giving it to their patients? He stated that 1) he feels that many doctors just don't understand the literature regarding its usefulness, or in his opinion, lack thereof 2) many women are given it simply to shut them up (i.e., the squeaky wheel gets oiled) and 3) the risk of complications from it is relatively low, so a lot of people use it just for the hell of it. Here are my feelings on those responses. 1) This doc is really smart, and really seems like he knows what he's doing, so I can believe that--people can read medical literature in whatever way they want to suit their agenda. 2) I can also buy that argument--that a doc would give somebody a drug just to shut them up and make them go away. 3) Even going in there as a patient asking for it, I understand the risk is small, but real, so I appreciate that the doc's priority is to see no harm comes to me. He also said that if I did get pregnant and any test result came back weird or anything happened that made him think heparin would be helpful, he would certainly prescribe it then. It's something that you only need once you're pregnant, typically.

Also, I have noticed increased bruising just from being on the baby aspirin I'm on, so it does make me nervous to use the heparin. I gave myself a horrible bruise lately simply banging my leg on a stadium seat in Florida--this thing is the size of a softball and will probably take several weeks to heal. And it didn't even hurt very much when I did it, at the time I thought nothing of it. That is another indication that I 1) have thin enough blood as it is and don't need the heparin and 2) giving me the heparin could be potentially very dangerous. If I were on the heparin and did that to myself, I could possibly bleed out and die. Seriously. I mean that risk is very, very small, but I specifically asked Brian if it would be worth it to him, and he said no. The doc said he'd give it to me if I insisted, but that huge bruise freaks me out big time. So, I think I probably won't do it. I guess in the end, I'd rather be alive than have a baby.

So, that's what up. The doc said take some time and figure out what we want to do and when, and then give him a call. He also said that if we did decide on adoption instead, they could help us with resources. He, himself, is on an advisory board that helps encourage adoption. So, if that's the route we take, we have a little help there too (on top of all the other help that friends have offered). Honestly, I can't do this many more times, so fairly soon, this will be over one way or the other (either we have a baby, or I have another loss and we move on for good). That'll be the day I hope for--when our lives are back to normal and all this bullshit is done.

I am a Mutant--But I'm not Cool like Wolverine

You probably think the title of this blog is some kind of clever joke--but it's not. I'll explain in a moment.

Brian and I had our first visit to the Reproductive Endocrinologist (aka special baby making doctor) on Friday morning. It was all the way in Troy, so we had quite a hike from here. We are going all the way to Troy because that is the only clinic on this side of the state that our insurance will cover. And since we are VERY fortunate to have coverage for this at all, obviously most people don't, we felt we couldn't discount that coverage merely to go someplace closer to home. The reason that our insurance will only cover this place is because it is considered the best of the best when it comes to this stuff. So that's good! If I have to go someplace, it's nice going to the best.

So, we get there, and all the paperwork is done, insurance card was scanned in, etc. The front office ladies seemed very impressed with our coverage. On a side note--obviously many of you have never looked at prices for IVF, etc (I'm very glad you haven't had to). Did you know that a first round of IVF costs $10,000? And subsequent rounds, if you already have embryos stored, still cost $4,000? We will not be needing IVF (and we wouldn't do it anyway--that is where we draw a personal line), but if we did, wow. I now fully understand why many people have to mortgage their homes to have children. (Although, I wish they would just take that money and adopt and help a kid that's already here. That is our personal feeling on it.)

Anyway, we meet with our doctor, Dr. Miller. He's probably in his early to mid 40's, pretty normal looking white guy with a female resident with him who was sitting in on our consult. So, we start going over my medical history and the history of all the losses. The first thing that I notice about this doctor is that he's REALLY intense. Like, he would NOT break eye contact with me. It was so much, I had to look away at times, you know what I mean? But at least I felt I had his whole attention, which is nice. Brian agreed. We went over all those tests Dr. Thai ran on me over the summer, and he told me that she was really quite thorough in her testing. And this is where the mutant part comes in. Well, Dr. Thai never discussed this with me (she just told me everything was fine and I didn't see it in the records until a few days ago--long story), but it turns out I do have a gene mutation called MTHFR.

MTHFR is the name of a blood enzyme that is screwed up when you have this particular mutation. I have 1 bad copy each of 2 different genes affecting this. Now, you can have 2 bad copies of these 2 different genes--that's really bad. My scenario is borderline. Dr. Miller said that Dr. Thai probably didn't say anything because its not proven to be a cause of anything. If I had the two bad copies of those genes, that's a different story. Anyway, this can cause blood clotting, and what it definitely causes is bad uptake of Folic Acid. So, she had put me on baby aspirin and progesterone, which he seemed to feel were perfectly appropriate. He is also going to put me on mega high doses of Folic Acid, which may help the situation and would definitely protect my baby from neural tube defects if we do have a viable pregnancy. When I say mega high, I mean 4 times the normal amount a pregnant women should take, so I'm going to be swallowing a ton of pills. I am fine with that given the alternative! If I had those 2 bad copies of the gene and had the definite issue, I would need to give myself shots of blood thinner every day when I'm pregnant. I wasn't looking forward to that, but I'll do what I have to do, obviously. But, he stated its not indicated with me (although I know from my research some RE's will prescribe it anyway), and actually, a ton of people have this gene mutation and never have a problem. (So you may be mutants too and not even realize it!)

Anyway, he seemed pretty optimistic about the situation. He stated that he feels my prognosis is good to have a baby. He is going to do some more testing on me. On Cycle Day 3 next time, I have to go in for blood testing and a basic ultrasound to check out my ovaries. (See how the follicles look, etc.) The blood testing will check my LH, FSH, prolactin, estrogen and progesterone at that point in my cycle. Those are all hormones that affect ovulation and pregnancy, and they will tell a lot. He even said depending on how those levels come back, the possibility exists that I could be put on Clomid. I'm not EXACTLY clear why I would need that when I have no trouble conceiving, but it has something to do with inducing a stronger, better ovulation, and helping the hormonal and chemical conditions be ideal in the womb BEFORE you ovulate, rather than just treating it after. And then, a few days after that, I need to get another ultrasound, but with this one, they're going to shoot saline water up my hoo-ha and check out the structure of my uterus itself. There could be some uterine malformation going on that could be causing this and inhibiting growth. Some that are fixable and some are not. I've been told this is "uncomfortable," which may mean "horribly painful," so, we'll see. We hope to have this testing done before we go to Florida the first week of March (a post on that is upcoming). So I'm really hoping my cycle is regular so that can happen.

Before I go, I wanted to thank everyone for the support and well wishes. We really do appreciate how kind everyone has been through this mess. I will keep you somewhat up to date, although I hope you all do understand that if we do try again and get pregnant, we keep that to ourselves until we're ready to tell, for obvious reasons. Bye!

Movie Reviews

So, I thought I'd spend a few minutes sharing my opinion about a few movies I've seen recently. You may have been thinking of seeing these movies, so I wanted to give my fair and unbiased take on these flicks. Don't worry, I'll not give away the ending of either movie!

Gran Torino
Brian and I went to the movies on Friday night to finally see Clint Eastwood's Gran Torino. Good ol' Clint is both director and star of this movie, the same as he was in the absolutely brilliant Million Dollar Baby (which could make me cry again right now just thinking about it). Mr. Eastwood has stated that this may be his last movie as an actor, and that he will focus on directing only, as he is in his late 70's, after all. Well Clint, if this is your last movie ever on screen, or even as a director, you have a tremendous amount to be proud of. Gran Torino was pretty much a masterpiece, I think particularly to those of us who live in the Detroit Metro area and understand the history and dynamics of how the area has changed in the last 50 years. It is the story of Frank Kowalski, a Korean War vet whose wife has just passed away and is now all alone in his home in Hazel Park. He's distant from his sons, and hates the fact that his neighborhood, that used to be all white, is now predominately filled with Hmong immigrants. Hmong people are an Asian culture who immigrated here after the Vietnam War (this is explained in more detail in the movie). He hates these people and calls them every racial name in the book. You really want to hate Frank, but you don't. Then, he unwillingly gets to know the two Hmong teenagers next door, Sue and Thao, and begins to change. Obviously, Frank's beautiful 1972 Ford Gran Torino factors predominantly in the story. As I said, I will not give away too much of the plot or the ending, but all I have to say is WOW. Go see this movie immediately.

The Love Guru
As for the other movie I'm going to review--I have a message for Mike Myers: Unless you get your funny back, QUIT MAKING MOVIES. Brian and I watched The Love Guru last night, and it was a complete and utter waste of about an hour and a half of my life. About 10 minutes into it, Brian and I looked to each other, and went "Do you think this is funny?" Neither of us really did, but we wanted to give it a chance. I have liked Mike Myers so much in the past (I still headbang every time I hear Bohemian Rhapsody), I didn't want to think he could put out such a piece of crap, but alas, it is possible. The Love Guru is about Guru Pitka, a white guy who was raised in India who wants to become the next Deepak Chopra. He's hired by the owner of the Toronto Maple Leaves (played by Jessica Alba--yeah right) to fix the love life of her star player so they can win the Stanley Cup. In this movie, Myers tells all the same jokes as he ever has, and now they are VERY OLD. This stuff hasn't been funny since Austin Powers (the first one, not the two substandard ones that followed). Plus, the weird fakey Indian voice he talks in through the movie was weird and off putting. The ONLY slightly funny part of this movie was seeing Justin Timberlake play a rival goalie, a French Canadian guy named Jacque "le Coq" Grande, who worships Celine Dion and has an enormous schlong. When the movie was done, I was pissed I wasted my Netflix subscription on it. DO NOT see it.

Bye until next time!

Dreary January Days

2009 is upon us. I'm sort of glad Christmas is over. We ended up having a fine time at Brian's parents and my parents and grandparents, but neither of us was truly in the Christmas spirit this year. Brian took the tree down in a flash on New Year's Day, which is really unlike him. He wants me to take the Christmas cards down from the window I display them in, but I said they can stay up for awhile. I like looking at them; they're really cheerful and happy. We spent New Year's Eve at Jeff & Candace's, which was a very nice low key evening with them and another couple we know, Chris and Katie. Brian drank beer, and I drank sparkling apple juice, and we were home by 1:30. However, we came home to find cat vomit all over our bedroom floor that had to be cleaned up before we went to bed. Oh, the joys of pet ownership. Now, I really HAVE to have the carpets cleaned.

I'm not back at work yet, but I am starting up again next week, which is great. I work three days next week, and in those three days, I have to drive to Muskegon, Saginaw, and Lansing. If the weather is fine, I'm good with that; it's a nice mileage check in my pocket. If the weather is bad, I will be one huge ball of stress. But, I'll deal with that when the time comes. Here is what's been occupying my time the last week or so:

1) my brother Grant is having this huge situation at school in which he is failing chemistry and may not be able to run track in the spring, which is his favorite thing. And it seems mostly due to the fact he has a woman for a teacher who seems to be a complete moron. My mother told me the whole story when we were up there with them, and I was very upset. One of my old teachers is now the principal of the high school, and my mom said that when she went to the principal for help, she got no response. So, I sent this old teacher of mine (who freaking thought I walked on water, because all the teachers thought I walked on water) a slightly bitter email (that I stand behind, I don't regret the tone at all) saying I thought she cared more for her students, and that this Chem teacher shouldn't be teaching. I finally got a response back today that didn't really say much other than they are working on the problem and are offering tutoring. I passed that info onto my mom, and told Grant he better get his ass to some tutoring, or else I'm going to look like a complete a-hole. And if the kid makes an a-hole out of me, he WILL face my wrath.

2) My Grandma (my mom's Mom) had to have a biopsy on her left boob today as her annual mammogram found an abnormality. So, we have all been a bit nervous about that, especially my Grandma herself, obviously. My Grandpa is in such a precarious state, I don't know what we'd do if something was wrong with Grandma too, and she was in need of serious treatment. Well, the surgeon who did the biopsy today removed three small masses and sent them off to the lab. He told her that while he's not a pathologist, he's been doing biopsies a long time and he strongly feels that from the look of these things, they are most likely harmless calcium deposits. So, Grandma will wait for pathology results, but we all feel much better.

3) Finally, today Candace had to take baby Oliver for a couple shots at his doctor's office, and I said I'd go with her for moral support. She needed it more than he did! He cried for about a minute after getting poked, then when she gave him a bottle, he was fine and dandy. He slept in the car on the way back to their house, and was happy as a clam in the swing afterwards when we were visiting. Way to take it like a man, Ollie!

My Weekend in Sauga-my-tuck and Other Developments

So, after having the D&C on Thursday, I really needed to get out of town for a few days. My friends KLo and KMu in South Bend had called me earlier in the week, asking me if I wanted to go to Sauga-my-tuck (as its called by KLo) for a spa weekend this past weekend. Dr. Thai (my OB) said it was fine to go, as long as I didn't overdo it, and actually said it would be good to get out and relax. So, Friday afternoon, I took off and headed over to Saugatuck to meet KLo and Steph (the 4th member of the party). KMu had a bar association dinner to attend and couldn't join us until later that night (boo--cause it's not a party until KMu arrives).

The three of us headed off to Phil's, which is a local hangout. Dinner was very tasty, we had these really good portabella mushroom fries for an appetizer, and my lake perch was outstanding. After dinner, we shopped in a few stores, and went back to our rooms. The girls had made arrangements to stay at the spa for the weekend. It's called Bella Vita Spa & Suites. It's a full service spa with 4 guest rooms that are really cool. KMu arrived at 11:30 on Friday and we were up till all hours talking about all sorts of things, everything in the world really, except for babies, thank god. (KLo and Steph are single, and KMu is married, but has no babies on the near horizon).

Saturday morning we got up and had brunch at Pumpernickel's, another local eatery that serves all their breakfasts in cast iron skillets, which was interesting. We then went back to the spa to start our treatments. I got a Signature Facial, 50 minute massage, and a Chocolate Decadence Pedicure (yes, you read that correctly). I now have pretty cranberry colored toes, and the memory of having warm, delicious chocolaty stuff being smeared all over my feet. The next time we go (and there WILL be a next time), I plan on getting the chocolate body wrap, so that I can experience having my ENTIRE BODY smeared in warm, delicious chocolaty stuff.

Saturday evening we went to Everyday People cafe in Douglas for dinner. Dinner was tasty, but I have to say the dessert caught my attention. KLo ordered Creme Brulee Pastries, and Steph ordered the Homemade S'More (graham cracker crust, chocolate ganache, peanut butter ganache, and a homemade marshmallow, all layered together, with the marshmallow toasted at your table by the server). KMu and I sampled off both, and HOLY CRAP, they may have just been the best dessert I've ever tasted. Then, we came back to the Suites and watched "It's a Wonderful Life" on TV (which KLo and Steph had never seen, and KMu and I kept having to reassure KLo that it really was a Wonderful Life at the end). Sunday morning we got up, had brunch again, shopped a little bit, and took off back home. A good time was had by all, and I can't wait to go back.

In other developments, just so everyone knows, the D&C did go well on Thursday and I feel fine. I have to say I would highly recommend Providence Park. The operation was efficient, and the staff was so nice. When I was in pre-op, the nurses saw me crying my eyes out and immediately came over and asked me what was the matter, and when I explained, they hugged me and said they'd much rather have me there on a different floor (ie, maternity). The surgery went fine, and the chaplain came over after and talked to us about the losses, etc, and he was very nice. It was interesting--in my post-op information, there were two form letters I could sign and send out asking marketing companies to not send baby related things to our house, as we've experienced a recent loss. Needless to say, I put those in the mail today, as I cannot handle having that crap come to the house right now.

Also, this afternoon, I had to go for my weekly blood draw at the doctor's office (they have to make sure my hcg levels come down to zero). While I was waiting for my lab sheet, the receptionist asks me if I'm in a hurry, because Dr. Thai wants to squeeze me in for an appointment. I said that was fine, but I was a little freaked out, because that just doesn't happen very often. But, it was fine, Dr. Thai just wanted to talk to me for a few minutes and give me a complete report of all the tests I've had run for when I go to a specialist. She also had the pathology report back already from the lab from Thursday, and without going into long, boring detail, it was interesting, and she told me she is very interested to get the genetic report (could take up to 6 weeks). From the way she said that, I think she believes it will show genetic abnormality. I can accept that, and actually, I think it would give me a little comfort.

Thank you for reading and caring, everyone. I am finally in the Christmas spirit, so Merry Christmas!