Brian and I had another appointment today at the special baby making doctor's office. Before we went on vacation, I had several tests run, and I just needed in my own head to talk it through with the doc a little more before we jumped back into anything. All the tests he had run turned out well, which makes things even more frustrating (trust me, when you deal with a situation like this, you want them to find something wrong, just so you have some certainty). I know I talked a bit in a previous post about heparin, which is a blood thinner. The doc doesn't think I need it, but I sort of think I do. And that's what I wanted to talk about today a little more.
We started off first discussing why he wants to give me Clomid (which stimulates the ovaries) when I have no flipping trouble getting pregnant. He stated the Clomid would be to optimize conditions at ovulation, keeping good hormone levels high, and making things best as possible for embryo implantation. But he also said, if I don't want to do it, its my choice. He feels its just one thing that may up my chances a little and won't hurt (other than slightly increasing my chances of having twins--they do monitor you to help prevent that). Okay, I understand that, and I totally appreciate the fact that he's not pushing it.
Then, we moved on to discussing heparin, the blood thinner shots. Again, certain enzyme levels I have are good, and my clotting times are good, which would indicate that I don't need the heparin despite having the gene mutation. However, its hard to trust what's being told to you when you have numerous women on message boards telling you that you "absolutely have to have it and I cannot believe your doctor will not give it to you! Mine gave it to me without question! I would absolutely get a second opinion!" We discussed this at length.
I asked him if he doesn't feel I need it and neither do a lot of other women, why are so many doctors giving it to their patients? He stated that 1) he feels that many doctors just don't understand the literature regarding its usefulness, or in his opinion, lack thereof 2) many women are given it simply to shut them up (i.e., the squeaky wheel gets oiled) and 3) the risk of complications from it is relatively low, so a lot of people use it just for the hell of it. Here are my feelings on those responses. 1) This doc is really smart, and really seems like he knows what he's doing, so I can believe that--people can read medical literature in whatever way they want to suit their agenda. 2) I can also buy that argument--that a doc would give somebody a drug just to shut them up and make them go away. 3) Even going in there as a patient asking for it, I understand the risk is small, but real, so I appreciate that the doc's priority is to see no harm comes to me. He also said that if I did get pregnant and any test result came back weird or anything happened that made him think heparin would be helpful, he would certainly prescribe it then. It's something that you only need once you're pregnant, typically.
Also, I have noticed increased bruising just from being on the baby aspirin I'm on, so it does make me nervous to use the heparin. I gave myself a horrible bruise lately simply banging my leg on a stadium seat in Florida--this thing is the size of a softball and will probably take several weeks to heal. And it didn't even hurt very much when I did it, at the time I thought nothing of it. That is another indication that I 1) have thin enough blood as it is and don't need the heparin and 2) giving me the heparin could be potentially very dangerous. If I were on the heparin and did that to myself, I could possibly bleed out and die. Seriously. I mean that risk is very, very small, but I specifically asked Brian if it would be worth it to him, and he said no. The doc said he'd give it to me if I insisted, but that huge bruise freaks me out big time. So, I think I probably won't do it. I guess in the end, I'd rather be alive than have a baby.
So, that's what up. The doc said take some time and figure out what we want to do and when, and then give him a call. He also said that if we did decide on adoption instead, they could help us with resources. He, himself, is on an advisory board that helps encourage adoption. So, if that's the route we take, we have a little help there too (on top of all the other help that friends have offered). Honestly, I can't do this many more times, so fairly soon, this will be over one way or the other (either we have a baby, or I have another loss and we move on for good). That'll be the day I hope for--when our lives are back to normal and all this bullshit is done.
We started off first discussing why he wants to give me Clomid (which stimulates the ovaries) when I have no flipping trouble getting pregnant. He stated the Clomid would be to optimize conditions at ovulation, keeping good hormone levels high, and making things best as possible for embryo implantation. But he also said, if I don't want to do it, its my choice. He feels its just one thing that may up my chances a little and won't hurt (other than slightly increasing my chances of having twins--they do monitor you to help prevent that). Okay, I understand that, and I totally appreciate the fact that he's not pushing it.
Then, we moved on to discussing heparin, the blood thinner shots. Again, certain enzyme levels I have are good, and my clotting times are good, which would indicate that I don't need the heparin despite having the gene mutation. However, its hard to trust what's being told to you when you have numerous women on message boards telling you that you "absolutely have to have it and I cannot believe your doctor will not give it to you! Mine gave it to me without question! I would absolutely get a second opinion!" We discussed this at length.
I asked him if he doesn't feel I need it and neither do a lot of other women, why are so many doctors giving it to their patients? He stated that 1) he feels that many doctors just don't understand the literature regarding its usefulness, or in his opinion, lack thereof 2) many women are given it simply to shut them up (i.e., the squeaky wheel gets oiled) and 3) the risk of complications from it is relatively low, so a lot of people use it just for the hell of it. Here are my feelings on those responses. 1) This doc is really smart, and really seems like he knows what he's doing, so I can believe that--people can read medical literature in whatever way they want to suit their agenda. 2) I can also buy that argument--that a doc would give somebody a drug just to shut them up and make them go away. 3) Even going in there as a patient asking for it, I understand the risk is small, but real, so I appreciate that the doc's priority is to see no harm comes to me. He also said that if I did get pregnant and any test result came back weird or anything happened that made him think heparin would be helpful, he would certainly prescribe it then. It's something that you only need once you're pregnant, typically.
Also, I have noticed increased bruising just from being on the baby aspirin I'm on, so it does make me nervous to use the heparin. I gave myself a horrible bruise lately simply banging my leg on a stadium seat in Florida--this thing is the size of a softball and will probably take several weeks to heal. And it didn't even hurt very much when I did it, at the time I thought nothing of it. That is another indication that I 1) have thin enough blood as it is and don't need the heparin and 2) giving me the heparin could be potentially very dangerous. If I were on the heparin and did that to myself, I could possibly bleed out and die. Seriously. I mean that risk is very, very small, but I specifically asked Brian if it would be worth it to him, and he said no. The doc said he'd give it to me if I insisted, but that huge bruise freaks me out big time. So, I think I probably won't do it. I guess in the end, I'd rather be alive than have a baby.
So, that's what up. The doc said take some time and figure out what we want to do and when, and then give him a call. He also said that if we did decide on adoption instead, they could help us with resources. He, himself, is on an advisory board that helps encourage adoption. So, if that's the route we take, we have a little help there too (on top of all the other help that friends have offered). Honestly, I can't do this many more times, so fairly soon, this will be over one way or the other (either we have a baby, or I have another loss and we move on for good). That'll be the day I hope for--when our lives are back to normal and all this bullshit is done.
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